Friday, April 1st, 2005

You know you’re a Java weenie when…

Category: Java

<ol>
  • Hani viciously biles you, and you publicly thank him for it, calling it “an honor”
  • You go to TheServerSide Java Symposium even though you talk about how much you hate TheServerSide.com. You then try to hide in sessions as you blog that you only go because you like Vegas
  • You feel the need to tell the whole world that Sun has rejected your JavaOne talk, and then further embarrass yourself by claiming its some sort of conspiracy
  • You think its great that we have 45 XML APIs and 938 Web frameworks, claiming that “choice is a good thing.”
  • You are excited about SQL AOP (and now SQXML AOP)
  • You complain that Maven is too complex and completely unusable, then gradually let it slip that you’ve never actually gone so far as to try it out before assailing it
  • You feel the need to blog every time you need a job or are offered a job
  • You go out and spend a small fortune on a 30″ Apple LCD and then rub it in everyone’s face… multiple times
  • You think that whoever doesn’t choose to waste their money on overpriced, underpowered Apple hardware couldn’t possibly have the critical thinking skills required to be a good software developer
  • After making a small fortune as a Java author and consultant you turn around and tell people it completely sucks and they should have been using Ruby for the past few years
  • After making a small fortune as a Java author and consultant you throw it all away to learn Objective-C and try to convince the world that managed code is just a fad and that platform marketshare really isn’t all that important anyway
  • You are mercilessly rude to Microsoft for years until they send you on an expensive and exclusive “summit”, after which you are all warm and cuddly with your new best friends in Redmond
  • You embarrass the entire Enterprise Java community by blogging about how neat it is that PHP wraps CGI state in variables (next blog: “Wow! Perl has this cool $_ variable!”)
  • You endorse Struts for years and then overnight change positions and start claiming that it’s a huge heaping pile of crap and taking irrational pleasure in bashing Craig McClanahan
  • You think naming client-side browser scripting after a cleaning agent will somehow change the hellish set of horrors that is dynamic HTML development ;-)
  • Happy April 1st — Dion and Ben

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    Posted by Ben Galbraith at 1:10 am
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    This is a funny thread.

    1) I’ve been “honored” by Hani a little too often. It took me a while to learn, but now I don’t post comments on his blog any longer. I kept looking for him at TSSS. I wanted to meet him in person.

    2, 3) don’t apply. I think TSSS is one of the best conferences for the money. I prefer it to JavaOne. I also really like the NFJS series of conferences.

    4) choice is good… Uh Oh?!

    5, 6, 7, 8) None of these don’t apply. I dig Maven. Self employed. I travel a lot and it would be too hard to lug a 30″ monitor about.

    9) I do go to the Mac store and drool. I recently bought a nice HP 17″ desktop replacement laptop with all the bells and whistles. I can’t use Mac b/c client sometimes have me use software that only runs on Windows. I’ve wanted a Mac for a now ever since Erik Hatcher showed me his Titanium.

    10) I like Java. The language that has brought me the most joy programming has been Python. I don’t do much Python programming. It is not very marketable. Jython has been stuck in time. I have not tried Ruby yet, but it sounds pretty good. Maybe I will give Groovy or JRuby a shot. I’d like to stay on the Java platform.

    11) Objective-C looks nice. I know who you are talking about…. (JDD) Too funny.

    12) I was a long-time M$ enthusiast (head bowed in shame) until Java came along. I kept my eye on .Net. I thought ASP.Net and WinForms had some pretty cool ideas. (I never used them in production.) Now I like Tapestry and JSF. My bread and butter is Maven, JSF, Hibernate and Spring consulting and training.

    13) I never understood why PHP did so well. I can’t comment on it much since I never created new PHP code. I helped two companies move from it to J2EE with some success.

    14) This one hits pretty close to home. I’ve said some negative things about Struts, but never Craig McClanahan. It is not that I hate Struts… it is just that WebWork, SpringMVC, JSF, and Tapestry seem so much better.

    15) Yes. I believe it was you who convinced me that Ajax was cool. :o) This bullet applies to you. Doesn’t it? Now that I see the origin of the TSS post…. I get the humor even more.

    Comment by Rick Hightower — April 1, 2005

    Nice. Thx

    Comment by Edward — May 11, 2006

    Excellent!

    Comment by PerryOlsen — May 20, 2008

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